911 Again

I tell you what, Bolton Volunteer Fire Department should get some sort of award. Especially Jimmy Pruess. I went to school with him. He was a year older and married a girl in my class. What an outstanding professional he is. He is first on the scene EVERY time 911 is called. He even came in afterward tonight and asked if I was ok because this time I was crying when he came here. It's probably the first time Jimmy ever saw me cry, for one. I didn't cry a whole lot in high school. I was more of the bullying type. Those men (I assume there are women, just haven't seen any yet) from BVFD are top notch professionals and gentlemen. Wonderful people. Bolton is very blessed at the care directed towards it's people. They get here so FAST too. Granted I think when I went to Calvin there were more attending Calvin than there were people in my whole town, but still, they get here quickly.

That being said, The LORD only knows if this is it, but I think it is. My sister took the documents we had signed last week in the hospital giving her rule over his medical stuff. My father wasn't himself, according to my mother, this afternoon. I thought he was just happy, but she said that he had a goofy grin on his face and was acting very childish. Not in a mean way, but really acting like a little kid watching the people at the Tag Sale. For some reason, that makes me want to throw up. I'm not sure why that turns my stomach, but it makes me very, very uneasy. Maybe because his memory has been in a very strange decline and he's been repeating stories and repeating directions and how blessed he is. When he tells us how blessed he is, I can almost verbatim tell you what he'll say because it is the same intonation, same words and inflection. She knew something was wrong this afternoon.

At about 1:45 she got me up because Dad wanted to role over on his side. He honestly couldn't get comfortable and didn't know exactly what he wanted. But we tried to roll him over, but he was too close to the side of the bed, so we had to restart the process. Also, he wanted his head up in his hospital bed like he was sitting straight up. Finally we couldn't exactly figure out what he wanted and what to do for him, so Mom got Cindy. Cindy went into nurse mode and took him to the bathroom, got him back into bed and straight up so he could breathe better. At that time she said, "The only thing I can really do for you, Dad is to call 911." Let me back up by saying that this week, he revoked the fact that he was under hospice care. He came home from the hospital under hospice care so that if this type of thing should happen again (which it did tonight), then my sister would just sedate him and keep him comfortable. When the hospice nurse was here he was feeling so elated with being home from the hospital, walking well etc. that he said if he got short of breath, he wanted to call 911. At that point the hospice nurse told him that if his wishes were to call 911, there was nothing she could do. She said it nicer than that, of course, but that's what she meant. HOWEVER, none of us truly believe that Dad fully heard/understood all the ramifications of declining hospice. Not that it was her fault. He heard what he wanted to hear, and wanted the best of both worlds, which you can't have.

Tonight, he was having a hard time breathing. He was so uncomfortable. He just couldn't get comfortable. He was moaning and coughing like I saw him at his worst over Easter. After Cindy asked if he wanted to call 911, he said no. So she gave him some zithromax and lasix. But you have to wait 1/2 hour in between. So she brought up her phone as an alarm and laid down in my mom's bed while my Mom rested on the couch. She gave him the second pill, but he hadn't urinated, which would mean that he was getting rid of the fluid. He hadn't even been doing that during the day really. Only a few times. Not enough to cancel out the input. He's been gaining weight, not losing it. My sister was going to have a frank talk with him in a few days if his weight didn't decrease and broach the subject of hospice again. Cindy woke me an hour later and said she had called 911. I was in by my dad and - squeamish people skip this sentence and move to the next - he was coughing up phlegm and I was wiping it away. He was saying he thought this was it. I then had to go run downstairs and get the document that said my sister was the one to make medical decisions for my Dad. Wouldn't you know, the doggone safe wouldn't open. I think my fingers were just so shaky. THIS is why EVERYONE should have a thumbprint safe because when you're scared or when the adrenaline is rushing, your dexterity is affected. Blood gets pulled centrally to protect your organs, so your fingers don't do what you want them to do. THUMBPRINT safe. Best way to go. Screw the dial (what my parents have) and the push button combo. safes. No good. Anyway, I finally got it open, with plenty of time, it's not like they were waiting on me. Then I made copies of Dad's medicines because everyone wants one. Squeamish people go to next paragraph...then my father started coughing up blood.


That means that he was filling up with fluid rapidly and my sister said to me, "I don't know, I think this is it. If I can, I'm just going to have them sedate him when I get there. We'll see how he's doing once he arrives at the ER." So that's where we're at. My mother is praying that the LORD just takes him tonight. My sister is with him, she told Mom that she didn't need to be there. I just wish someone were there with my sister. She deals with this every day, but it's her Dad this time. I just feel like I need to be there, but I don't want to step on her toes and I don't want to disobey her, and I don't want to be selfish. But she's got no one! I don't know what to do. There's stuff I can do here. I can get phone numbers together for the minister, the funeral director...etc.

Just pray God's timing would be done, and not ours. We would love God to take him now. He is ready spiritually, he is ready mentally, and he's said all he has wanted to say. I KNOW, I delivered the stinkin' messages!! He better not have any more because I don't know if I can handle any more. He was so cold and so hot, but not running a fever yet, but he probably has pneumonia. Which brings me to my next thing:

Lew has had a cough for a while. I thought it was allergies. Nothing gross coming out of him. It didn't seem like he had a fever. He IS cutting teeth (he's gotten 4 since our arrival). But I think I have a little cold, so maybe it is a cold. BUT his hasn't gone away and Audrey's has. Audrey does get allergies around this time each year, so hers could have very well been just allergies. She's fine now, but Lew's just coughing and coughing. Tonight he hit his gag reflex again, so I had to change the bedding. Good thing I was already in here blogging. Please pray for Lew as well. He's already had RSV, I don't want him to get it again here in CT. I'm going to call the doctor tomorrow most likely.

Lastly, please pray for little Audrey. I've kept it tame so far as to how my Dad would kind of snap at her, but at this point, it doesn't matter. I almost hope he makes it tonight for this very reason alone: Audrey has been going to bed super late here. She slept until like 9:15 today and she has had a nap the last few days ranging from 1 hour to 2 hours. At night she's just not tired. Last night every little thing, she was up. At the time it was kind of cute, but it was still disobedient, so I told her that tonight if she got up for a non-emergency, she'd get disciplined. She knows what emergencies are: potty, and anything that's in her room that shouldn't be: bugs, fire, people, animals. She and I go though those. Well, she got up as I was leaving to bring some stuff in from outside and I said, "Audrey, if you get up again, I have to give you a spanking." She said, "I'm going potty." So I said, "Then GO potty and stop asking me all these questions, then." She said, "I was, but what are you doing?" I said, "Just go potty and forget about it, don't worry about it. I'm not leaving." She said, as she's walking towards the bathroom SLOWLY, "But what are you doing?" I said, "I'm bring stuff in from the Tag Sale." She said, still SLOWLY walking, "What stuff?" I said, "Audrey, git!" So she "gitted" and my Dad yelled, "Audrey! If you come out again, I'll do to you what I did to your mother when she did the same thing. I'll put you over my knee and spank you! You'll go right across my knee and you'll be spanked, now I don't want to see you again tonight!" I was right there, and I've told my Dad not to discipline her when I'm there, but apparently he forgot.

Well, apparently there was a lady bug in her room. Remember the rules? If something is in your room that shouldn't be, you can come out and get mommy: bugs are one of those things. So she had apparently started out of the room, but my Dad looked at her angrily and pointed his finger at her. She told me that later, I didn't know that at the time. A few minutes later, she yelled for me from the room that there was a bug, so I got the swatter and went in and sure enough, it was a lady bug. I killed it and that's when she started to cry and said, "I was going to tell you earlier, but when I peeked out of my room, Papa pointed his finger at me to go back into my room. I'm scared of Papa. I'm scared of him. I don't want to do anything with him again. He hurt my feelings." Well, I knew this point would come, that's why I warned my father when I first got here. HOWEVER, Audrey went to bed saddened that she was scared of Papa and doesn't want to be around him, but if he dies tonight, I just hope Audrey doesn't remember what she said, and then feel badly. I hope she just remembers the good, happy times with him, and just forgets tonight and what happened. Just pray for that, that Audrey doesn't remember.

THANK YOU!