Angled for the Worse

My Dad grew these flowers, and they're put in a vase my friend, Julie made in high school. I clipped these and put them together for Dad when he got out of the hospital a few weeks ago. He was pleased. Well, we've finally started talking hospice. I am going with my grandfather tomorrow to pick up a twin bed for my mother to sleep in, in the bedroom while my father is in the hospital bed that hospice provides. It has been determined that he is too weak even for therapy. I could get into specifics, but I don't understand them myself, so maybe when my sister gets here tomorrow then I'll be able to put them in lay person's terms.

I will remember this, though: Today, my Dad asked specifically to see me. The head nurse even called the house and told my mom that he was asking for his, "niece, Erica." He has NEVER called me his "niece," before. That sent up a red flag for me, so I went over to the hospital right away getting Dunkin' Donuts along the way. I get there and my Dad is kind of crying. I asked him what was wrong and he wasn't sad, he said. He said, "I just love you so much and wanted to tell you that. I love Todd too." I'm sure at times he likes Todd better than me :) He said that he had been so loved through his life and he seemed like he was just remembering his blessings and I think it was overwhelming for him. But here's the best part: he saw my coffee on his tray and said, "That coffee sure looks good." I said, "Do you want to have a sip?" He said, "I think I would." I said, "Consider yourself among the privileged to get to have a sip of my coffee." He took some huge swigs. This is from a guy who has hardly eaten or drank anything for DAYS! I said, "You take way bigger sips than Lew!" By the time I was ready to go, my coffee was almost half gone. My mom was coming up right after I got home, so I just left the coffee there and she said he almost finished it! It was a large! After every sip I gave him he said, "Oh, that tastes so good." Smart man!! I wished I had a camera! That is how I am choosing to remember my father: we shared a Dunkin' Donuts Large Decaf Iced Coffee with cream and sugar.

Update

Love this picture of when Audrey was about Lew's age. Well, the doctor said that my Dad needs rehab to gain strength. He's getting so sore sitting all of the time, or laying down a lot. And getting weaker. They think his electrolytes were off this morning. The next time, we'll have him sit up, drink a little, and then stand up. He stood up and his blood pressure just plummeted. It was very scary. He's so tired. Hopefully he can get some rest in the hospital (doubt it). They are going to send him to a place to build back his strength and muscle tone. I think that will make him very happy. Maybe even Audrey can visit him there. She keeps asking, "Is Papa in a room for kids?" because he's on a floor where they don't allow children under 12. I thought he had had a stroke today. We don't know everything, and will know more tomorrow as they wanted to observe him tonight. He'll be there longer than one night, so we'll go back to running errands and getting things done as much as possible. My anxiety is back again. I woke up in the middle of the night, first of all, hungrier than anything, and secondly, my heart felt like it was racing (it wasn't). So please pray for that. I think I just need to get out and exercise. I was so looking forward to doing that today as my blister is healed, but plans changed, so I'm a little anxious as I go to bed tonight. I think if I can get regular exercise, I'll be fine. I don't want to be grouchy and ill tempered when there is something I can do about it.
Thanks for all the prayers!!!!!!!!!! Seriously, we feel each one!!

Disheartening News, but not morbid yet

We woke Dad up this morning to get him weighed and to take his vitals. I brought the scale over to the bedside and we had him sit up. Mom was on one side and I was on the other and Dad put one foot on the scale. We told him to put the other foot on the scale, but he didn't have his hearing aids in and so we shouted a little louder because you get used to that. He didn't respond. He didn't even say anything to us. I started to shout at him saying, "Dad, Dad, do you hear me? Are you there Dad? You have to put your foot up. Dad? Do you want to sit down?" Something, anything to get him to respond. He still didn't respond. Then he looked up and his mouth went open wide and he became dead weight and went limp. So I grabbed a hold of him and guided him to the floor. He was sitting on his knees and Mom was concerned about his legs being hurt. I wanted to get him responsive first, so I told Mom to call 911. I said, "Dad are you with me? It's Erica. Do you know who I am?" He finally said, "Oh, my legs hurt." I said, "Ok, are you with me? Can I straighten you out?" He said that he knew me and I could straighten him out. An old schoolmate of mine was the first on the scene as he works for Bolton Volunteer Fire Department. I tell ya, they have been AMAZING! He's in the hospital now and they are taking chest x-rays. I hope that I didn't do anything to him. I asked him if he wanted to get up and he said yes, so I wrapped him up and lifted, but he shouted out in pain, so I put him back down and asked what hurt, and he said it hurt where I wrapped him up. I said, "Well, Dad, the only way I can get you up is if I wrap you up in a bear hug and pick you up, but I don't want to do it if it hurts you. We can wait. I don't want to break anything." Hopefully I didn't screw him up even more with that. That thought just crossed my mind. Hmmm.... It's possible that his blood pressure was just too low when he stood up, but it's also possible it might be more serious. I'll keep you posted on his progress and if he's admitted or not to the hospital.

101 is hot

Bubkis is all I have to say about the earwig comment :) People in CT leave their names because they're not afraid of conflict. ;)

So it was so blasted hot today (yes, Audrey even said those exact words). There are three rooms with air at my parents: the bedrooms. My brother had the day off but spent it all downstairs because it was cooler. He took my Mom to the store today. My Dad was holed up in his bedroom today because of the heat. We have someone else coming on Wednesday about the air conditioning. A singular unit versus central air. The visiting nurse came today and told my Dad he wasn't allowed out of air conditioning. The swelling in his legs went down today but was back up at night time. However, this is encouraging because they were actually down this morning and afternoon. We moved him from his room to the computer room so he and Mom could look at the slides we had put on a CD. There were over 250 for them to look at, and now I know which ones to print. That will be tomorrow's task.

I am organizing the porch (again) because my bio-Mom is coming to help me price things for the Tag Sale. I'll finish that tomorrow, then maybe my Dad can actually sit out there when it's cooler and enjoy his flowers. I'm trying to make a path. I'll also have more pictures for you tomorrow.

For privacy reasons, I won't go into detail, but I witnessed my father in a very vulnerable, painful and frail state today. Not one I want to witness again, but I fear that will be the norm more and more. Before he wasn't in any pain, just uncomfortable, now he's experiencing some pain. My mother told him to take deep breaths, but he just can't do it. He tries to take a deep breath, but it is still very shallow. You have to look really hard when he's sleeping to see if he's still breathing. It's just hard to see your Dad who was once extremely strong, have to have help lifting his legs on to the bed, or couch. I will say, however, he surprised me today: he was able to lift his legs higher than I have seen since I've been here. I think the weights might be working to build a little strength up. I just hope it keeps up that way. That was an encouragement.

He ate really well today, but he's just so weak still. He's been so good at his exercises. We also set up his portable DVD player so he could watch David Jeremiah. He enjoyed that. We can't get that spot on his leg to fully heal, so we've been bandaging it constantly. It's not good for him to bleed because of his blood thinners, but every time I turn around I have to put a band-aid on the guy!

Hopefully tomorrow isn't as hot so he can come out of the room. That would be great! His spirits have been up, though. Before we got here, they had been a little low, but lately they seem to be just fine, which is nice to be around, for sure.

My brother has been a HUGE help to me. While I'm cleaning up after dinner, or making dinner, if he's home, he plays with Audrey and Lew to keep them occupied. He's so good with them. Their faces just light up when they see Uncle Bub. He even had Lew doing the ET Phone Home thing with the finger. He wrestles with Audrey which is what she needs - good old fashioned wrestling. Tomorrow starts her "busy season," as my sister calls it, so hopefully we can get rid of some energy while having fun. She has swimming lessons for the next two weeks 4X's a week and she starts gymnastics tomorrow going until August 10 every week. I'll have to get pictures of my brother and the kids. Every time he mows the lawn he lets Audrey ride on the lawnmower when he's done and she gets to steer. She LOVES it! Lew is content to watch. Good thing. Ok, more tomorrow, maybe.

Up in the Air

Well, as suspected Mom and Dad were up a TON last night. I think Dad counted 18 times! They are both napping now. That new pill worked, to a degree. Here is the latest, though. The pill helped my father shed 6 pounds - OVERNIGHT! However, his legs and feet are MORE swollen than yesterday and his blood pressure is too low. If it stays below 90 over whatever then he may have to go into the hospital again. Hopefully his blood pressure gets higher. Maybe I should debate end time prophesies with him. That might work. He's really struggling today, so keep him in your prayers. He's not coughing, so at least he can get some sleep, but he's not losing that fluid like he needs to. I'll keep you posted on what happens.

New News on Dad and Earwigs

Well, what started as great has settled into a state that can best be described as a nose wrinkle. I got Dad some weights, which I think I may have said before - as well as some new resistance bands. He was using those every opportunity he got yesterday. He really did a great job at them. He was trying and very diligent. He didn't feel strong enough to walk a lot, so he worked on his upper body, and just used the ankle weights a little. Although, we DID bring him into the house from outside, made him climb the 4 steps and walk to his seat with the ankle weights on (we didn't notice until way too late :) ). He made it, though!


Later that night (yesterday), Dad was walking in the kitchen with his walker and just sort of slowly tipped over. It was the strangest thing. I'm sure many of you can relate. You're watching something in slow motion almost. I looked over and saw it happening. My Mom didn't see it until it was all over. This is the second time he's fallen since he's been home from the hospital. He may have been safer there! Anyway, I think because it was the second time, and because my brother wasn't home this time to get my Dad up, it was a little too much for her. She was quite upset, as I would be too. We asked Dad if he was hurt and he wasn't hurt, so that was a big blessing. Then we had to figure out how to get him up. I tried once but failed. I was scared to wrap him too tight for fear of breaking a rib or something, but then I decided that if I did, at least I'd know it, and he would no longer be on the floor, so I just said, "This might hurt a bit, but hang on." I grabbed him from behind and wrapped my arms around his ribcage and just lifted him up. Praise God for the Urbanathlon! I was strong before I started training for that, but now I'm a force to be reckoned with, let me tell ya! We got Dad up and sitting on his walker. Audrey played nurse while telling Grammy not to be sad over Papa. He's ok, she said. She held up tissues because he did cut himself a bit. For my friends who are a little squeamish skip the next part to go to the next paragraph. He had a skin tear in about 3 places because his skin is like paper. It was bleeding a little, but more so, it was clear liquid coming out because his legs are unfortunately swollen again. The cankles have returned! Now it hasn't stopped oozing. Mom and I were thinking that we should just poke him all over his legs and just drain him of the fluid. Jokingly, of course, because he's on blood thinners and probably with our luck wouldn't clot. Oh, and besides that, it's a gross thought - what are we in a Twilight novel? Ridiculous books that they are...ok, not going on that tangent.


So for those of you who scrolled down. The fluid that had left my father, is now returning. Overnight he gained 3 pounds. Since he's been home from the hospital, he's gained 4, which is not due to eating, so it's all fluid, all of which are not good signs. He hardly eats anything and has to force down what he can. When weight gain (I think like 2 poinds in a day) happens, Mom has to call the doctor. At that point, she takes his vitals...I think three times a day so they can keep up on what's going on. The vital information goes over the phone lines and gets sent to the nurses! Crazy how that works. It's amazing what they can do. Anyway. Dad can't get out of a chair by himself anymore. That, however, should change when they decrease the dose of Prednizone again. Apparently a side effect is that it can compromise your quads, so we've been working on those.


I was going to sleep over my grandfather's house tonight to go to the 8:30Am church service tomorrow, but I decided to stay here in case Mom needed me in the middle of the night because Dad's on even more of a diuretic, so he may not get much sleep tonight. We'll have to have the kiddos outside tomorrow so he can get some rest during the day. I have a feeling he'll be up a lot. But if I can get him situated tomorrow morning and then he can stay there until my brother or I get home, then we're good.


Lastly, for all of those people who think it's a myth that those pincher bugs - you know, the ones with those nasty looking pincher things on their tails - commonly known as earwigs-don't bite, you're wrong. They do bite. I was bit by one today and it HURT. Oh man. It was a little worse than a mosquito bite. I had come in from outside and it was somehow on my shirt and then it bit me through the shirt, so I screamed and looked and it was one of those stupid bugs, so I ripped my outside shirt off (always layered - a GAP trick, and it worked this time!!) and yelled, "Seriously?! I wasn't even bothering it, why did it bite me?!" My Dad said, "Well, it WAS out of it's element on your shirt." Like it was my fault!! :) So I killed it. How do you like THEM apples? Now that THIS happened, I refuse to believe that they don't crawl in your ears. Seriously, they're named earwigs and now I find out I was right all along in thinking that they probably bite. I've always thought they get in people's ears, and I'm going to keep thinking that. Thanks a lot, Todd! :)

Out of the Hospital

Well, Dad's out of the hospital, and he's very happy about that. He got out yesterday afternoon and when he got home he just sat outside for a good long time. He never had a room where he could see outside, so the fresh air and the scenery felt good to him. He's extremely weak, but it is my understanding that he's not as weak as he was when he came out while my sister was in town. He had been eating in the hospital this time to keep from backsliding too much. The fluid in his legs is gone, so he no longer has cankles, but his skin was stretched out because of the fluid, so it's saggy. I'll take saggy over waterlogged! It means he can move his feet around better to get some strength, which he is so worried about. He wants so desperately to gain a little strength back. I told him I could help him with that if he'd stay OUT of the hospital long enough for me to get him a regiment. I'm going to get him ankle weights and wrist weights so he can do the physical therapy (which he says does nothing), with a little weight to make it challenging. He wants challenging, I'll give it to him!


I generally don't like it when he comes out of the hospital the first few days because he's been bored out of his mind and has been thinking a lot about things he doesn't bring up until you're around him. So you get lambasted with a barrage of either questions or semi-accusations about things. I'm saying this all with a smile on my face, because in all honesty, what in the world else is he going to think about? I just wish he'd let me know, so that I could research it, come to a conclusion and then actually take part in the debate, instead of looking quite foolish with nothing to say. He doesn't like how my church doesn't have Sunday School. I tried explaining to him that it does in fact have Sunday School, Todd and I just don't go. Probably shouldn't have chosen THOSE words exactly, but again, UNPREPARED! He kind of yelled at me and said, "Shame on you! You weren't brought up that way! You know better!" So I had to BACK UP and retrace my steps and explain that the timing of the Sunday School is a stupid time (yes, I, with the aura of intellect said, "stupid"). It meets after the church service while the teens have their Sunday School. I had the foresight NOT to call it catechism because that would have just been a bad decision on my part. I said that the little kids have Sunday School BEFORE church. I said Todd and I go when the topic interests us enough to have Lew and Audrey along. There is no one to watch children during Adult Sunday School, so that is why we rarely go. Then he said, "Someone needs some leadership there! There's no leadership!" I smiled and said, "Dad, we're too big for our church. This is the ONLY way we can do it until we add on to the existing building because there is just not enough room to house everyone at one time for Sunday School." He said, "I just don't like to see the children suffer because there isn't Sunday School, and I think that's what's happening." I said, "Again, we HAVE Sunday School and Audrey will go next year." It's just different here. I've actually considered NOT sending Audrey to Sunday School, but Todd wants her to go, so that's fine. But she goes to a very good christian school out there and Sunday School is a little overkill. I'd rather have her learning catechism and theology because she's totally into that, as opposed to the Bible stories that I teach her, as well as her school teaches her. BUT I didn't bring that up with my father. Not exactly the time. :) He said, "I know you don't like our Baptist Church now, but your church has some problems too." Funny he should say that because anyone in my small group knows I'm still at times stubbornly Baptist. Yes, I believe different things, but that's why America is so great - I'm allowed to. So that was the barrage I was faced with yesterday, but all is well today! We've been having a great time just relaxing.


The visiting nurse is here now and Dad doesn't really like her. I didn't understand why the last time she was here, but this time she irritated me a little too. She was telling him to use his walker - like he doesn't. And telling him not to lift things, but to place them in the basket on his walker - again, like he's an idiot. Then she finally got to the medication to go over it with my Mom. He's on like 20 different pills, and really that's not an exaggeration, it could be more. Anyway, she finally did something productive, but talked the rest of the time about crap, so I'm in here typing this, otherwise I'd ask her what exactly she does. Why is she even here?


He fell this morning, so that wasn't a great start to the day. He just bent over to try to adjust the scale and just tipped a little too far, so I heard something, not a crash or anything. Not a terrible fall, just a little bump, and then he called for Mom. She then tried to get my brother, who was in the process of leaving, so I ran out of the house just in time to get Bub before he got in his car and told him that Dad had fallen and Mom needed his help. Bub came running in and helped Dad up. That was a shock to get started on, but now the excitement has died down and Mom is going grocery shopping. I think she'll come back.