The Why Behind the What (Part II): Erica's Story

My mother (the aforementioned Irish one) had me when she was young and unmarried. She had me back in a time when unwed mothers were not as prevalent as they are today. She chose life. I'd like to think Todd is ever grateful on a daily basis, but that might be wishful thinking. It was difficult for her to make ends meet, and ultimately, she made the brave decision to give me to her aunt and uncle, the people I call my parents to this day.

My parents were 56 when they adopted an 18month old. Can you imagine that?! That exhausts me thinking about it, and I'm only 28. I say "only" 28 as I was humbled by my three year old today. She said to me, "Mommy, that looks like pasta." I said, "Oh, your hair looks like pasta?" She said, "No, when you do this," and she made a face. After she and I went back and forth trying to figure out what I was doing that looked like pasta, she lovingly informed me that the wrinkles in my forehead were what looked like pasta!

Anyway, my father was prepared to retire, and had to work an extra few years (I think like 6 more years of hard physical labor). My mother also was working part time as a nurse while caring for me and her aging mother (who also lived with them!). They were planning on retiring to Florida some day. They eventually had to sell their property. Apparently I/Calvin was expensive. I think after a winter like what we had (and still are having, for that matter - did anyone else get snow today?), I would have loved for them to retire down there so I could just camp out in the fun and sun!

When people ask me how I know God exists, I reply that it is easier for me than others. I can clearly see God's hand over my entire life. Psalm 139 is one of my favorite passages of scripture because it speaks so vividly of my life. You should read it. I'm not writing it, so my friends who are not necessarily Christians are forced to crack open the Bible. Split the Bible down the middle and you're bound to land on a psalm. Good luck!

God told my biological mother to leave the abusive relationship she was in. She was obedient and left. She followed His promptings. My mother who raised me had several dreams where God clearly told her that she needed to get in touch with my biological mother and see if they could help in any way. She didn't say anything at first until it went from one dream to multiple dreams. My father knew enough to listen to my mother because God seems to speak to her in dreams, and he had learned from their 30 or so years of marriage.

When they contacted my biological mother, they offered to take me one day a week to give her a break. When it came down to the difficult decision my biological mother made to give me a better life, my parents were there. They took me in and raised me as their own.

I am continually grateful to my parents for how much they love me. I love them with all my heart and can only hope to be 1/2 the parent they are to my children. Even if I'm only a fraction of what they are, my kids will be in good shape. I only wish all of you were around my parents as I was growing up. Everyone who spends any amount of time with them is eternally blessed. My aunts and uncles always say that they are salt of the earth, and they truly are - even if they're both technically not supposed to have any. :) My parents were always the cool parents - even at 60 and 70! All my friends wanted to be at my house because they would let us stay up late and eat whatever we wanted (I was a rather fat sophomore). My mom used to say that she just loved to hear us girls giggling and having a good time, which is why she never came into the room to tell us to go to sleep. Other parents were so grouchy and would yell at us at midnight. My dad doesn't hear so well, so I guess he didn't care too much either.

My parents are the reason I'm so into adoption. I was adopted. They sacrificed a lot for me. They showed me what it means in the Bible when it says that God adopts us into His family when we're saved. I'll write these verses so as not to overwhelm my friends who are still in the psalms: Galatians 4:4-6 "But when the fullness of the time came, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the Law, so that He might redeem those who were under the Law, that we might receive the adoption as sons. Because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, crying, 'Abba! Father!'" The whole concept of God's sovereignty and His love for us and His calling us to Himself has never been too difficult for me to understand because of what my parents did for me. I hadn't earned their love because I was so little. That's how we all start out in Christ. We're all babies, so to speak. We don't deserve His love and we don't earn it, but He freely gives it to us. They demonstrated that to me every day growing up. Now, I have a husband who carries on the tradition of doting on Erica. I don't deserve it (just ask him!), but he does it anyway. Aren't I blessed?? :)

I was able to see my biological mother often. She was and is still a big part of my life. I enjoy a wonderful relationship with her to this day. A relationship I wouldn't change for the world. Her life is a testament to God's mercy and grace. I think it was good that she didn't raise me my whole life, because I'm sure she'd admit, we're too much alike, and we know exactly how to get under each other's skin. We're good for about a 6 day span before we step on each other's toes. Solidarity for the strong-willed women!

To sum it up: I had parents who demonstrated God's love and adoption while I was weak and undeserving (especially in the teen years when I thought I knew it all - I guess some things never change), so adoption has always been in the back of my mind for that reason. My biological mother deserves a big thank you for choosing life. Besides the morality of it, she's the #1 reason for my belief in Pro-Life.

The Why Behind the What (Part I)

Many of you guys have been asking us why we're adopting. For the sake of ease, I'll write it out in installments. I'm sure if Todd were to write it out, it would be three sentences, but since I'm writing it, I'll make it into installments.

First and foremost Todd and I believe in pro-life. That is what we will talk about in this installment. We have heard it said by Dennis Rainey of Family Life Today (see link on the left) that if you claim to be pro-life, you should also be pro-adoption. Now, that does not mean that everyone is called to adopt, but it does mean that everyone has an obligation to somehow get involved. This is where we enter in. We felt God calling us to adopt. We feel so strongly against abortion, that we feel that we have an obligation to support the children (in our case one child in particular) of the moms who choose life.

Many times we tote the company line and say that we're pro-life without going the extra step. So what if we're pro-life? Those are just words, and when there's a woman or a girl who is pregnant and scared, does she give a rip about our opinions? No, she wants to know who will be there for her. She wants to know how she can care for this infant. She's been told she's making the "right decision," but who are we kidding? In her world, it would probably be easier - especially financially, if she were to abort the child.

If she aborted the child, then she perhaps wouldn't have to tell her parents of her pregnancy and risk disappointing them. It's possible she could avoid an abusive situation, or a neglectful situation. Maybe she wouldn't have an additional mouth to feed if she aborted the child. She can barely get by as it is, and babies are EXPENSIVE - just ask the princess who lives with us! If she does keep the baby, then she will have to find adequate day care while she holds down often numerous jobs.

Honestly, does this woman care in the least who is pro-life? Does she care that Todd and I boycott certain businesses because they donate money to Planned Parenthood? Does she care that we write letters to express our reasons for boycotting? Does she even care that we call ourselves Christians?

Todd and I just felt that we, in a sense, needed to put our money where our mouth is. We were being led by God to go the extra step. Pure and lasting religion is, in part, taking care of the orphan. We salute women and girls who have chosen life, and in order for that to mean anything to us, we felt that we needed to partner along side one such woman and adopt her child. She was gracious enough to give the child life when it would have been easier not to. We're not going to leave here there alone. We're not going to say, "Good, you made the right decision. We salute you. Way to go! Good luck with that." We're going to enter her world and accept the gift of her child that God has ordained to be a part of our lives.

Stay tuned for Installment #2.

Girl Names Poll

Apparently everyone likes Lila for a girl name and none of the other options. Hazel was runner up with 2 votes (one being mine). Erica got one vote, and I'm pretty sure it was from my mother (thanks, Ma, but it doesn't really count coming from you). Also, Eileen got one vote. Again, I'm pretty sure that was from my very Irish mother, whose aunt (please pronounce "aunt" correctly, so no one confuses her with an insect) was named Eileen. Eleanor - poor Eleanor, no one's really interested in that name. I can't say I truly blame anyone, but it kind of makes me want to pick it out of spite. For your information, Eleanor is a hybrid to name the child after my Aunt Ellen and my mother Norma. Now y'all feel bad, don't ya?

I always pictured my little Latin American daughter being called Lila Helene after Todd's dad, Lyle, and his grandma, Helene (or Helena, I should know which one it is, but Helene sounds better with Lila, so we're going with that). I also always pictured my little Asian daughter being called Hazel Ruth after Todd's mom, Ruth. Hazel's just a bonus name I like because there's a "z" in it. Honestly, how many names do you know have a "z" in them? I think, however, due to Todd's grandma's age and health, we might have to switch them up and name our Asian daughter Lila Helene, and if, God willing, we adopt from Latin America, name that daughter Hazel Ruth.

We'll let you know. Again, nothing is set in stone, and this is just the short list.

I like these polls, they're fun. If you have any ideas for a new poll, let me know and we'll put it up!

Boy Names Poll

So the tally for boys' names is in: the front runners were Donovan and Owen. The middle of the way names were Kalan, Dell and Max. The trailers were Byther and Hartley. Like I said, we're not saying we're going with these names, they're just on the short list. Let's poll the girl names!

Fundraising Ideas

I've gotten some great ideas, so I'll list them - let me know if you're interested in any one of these:

* Sign up for Google's Usability Study. Apparently, you sign up at google.com/usability and fill out a small survey. If they choose you, you typically get $75 for about an hour of work.

* Taking care of sick kids. You can't stay home from work because you have a deadline, but the daycare won't take your sick kid. Bring him/her on over - barring anything truly gross. I don't do vomit.

* Renting out my relatively large fenced in back yard for kiddie parties (so long as Audrey is invited - nothing like bribing for friendship). We have finger sprinklers that are kind of fun to run in. Someone mentioned we could put together package deals for those moms who want nothing to do with planning a kiddie party. I don't blame them. I could charge for the provisions of the favors, decorations, cake...etc, whatever the person would want.

* Running errands and shopping trips for people. Kind of like a personal shopper.

* Walking pets (and kids I suppose) either during the day or during vacations like Spring Break (however, please don't leave your kids with me over Spring Break). I could visit a couple times a day to let your pets out while you're away. I worked for the government, so I'm trustworthy with your valuables. My days of taking an hour and a half lunch on your dime are over.

* Run-a-thons (I'd want some other participants too, though. Running by myself is boring). Maybe if enough money was donated on a per-mile basis, Todd would run too - he is Dutch, after all. Don't let him fool you either, while he says, "I'm a very inefficient runner," with his long legs, he's faster than me. This is the only time I'll admit this - EVER, and I'll deny it from here on after. He bought running Teva's from Ebay, and when I mocked him for not being a runner, but purchasing running Teva's, he said, "I am going running!" Then he proceeded to go out our back door and ran around the back yard with our dog.

* South Korean ethnic dinner fundraiser. This would take a bit of work, but would probably be a lot of fun. People could buy tickets, and I could make authentic South Korean cuisine. I've heard of people hosting a dinner and then having a bake auction for dessert. Each person (or couple) attending brings a dessert to sell. It is auctioned off, and then people eat their items.

* Make and sell prayer/scripture chains. I made one of these for myself a while back. I put a person's name on a piece of colored paper and write the scripture that reminds me of this person on the other side - either just the scripture, or the scripture in prayer form, or both. Then I laminated them and put them on a sturdy ring. During my prayer time, I simply keep flipping the papers and pray for myself, as well as my family and friends. I love mine, and if you want me to make you one, just let me know!

* Have a raffle. It seems easy enough to manage. Find 20 people who commit to selling 20 raffle tickets for $5. Ask for an item to be donated or purchase a $100 to $200 item to raffle off.

KEEP COMING WITH IDEAS!!

Raising Money

So Todd and I have been brainstorming about how to raise money for this adoption. If you have any creative ideas, we would love to have them! We're into the unusual ideas. For example, we are going to start selling stuff on ebay. If you have any old junk you want to get rid of, send it our way, if you're not interested in selling it yourself and keeping the money. It's crazy how much junk people buy on ebay! I guess, look who's talking, I bought "Green Ghost" on ebay (2 of them, mind you). We also plan to have a garage sale (and the junk that doesn't sell? EBAY!!!).

I'm also going to draw pictures for people to raise money. I don't do people and I don't do animals, but inanimate objects are a possibility. I drew a horse once, but I'm convinced that it was a fluke that it turned out. I like to draw houses or scenes that have some significance to someone. For example, I drew the house Todd's grandmother grew up in, in the Netherlands. I just had so much fun drawing it! I also drew Westminister Abby for a friend. That was rough because it was a strange photograph, but also very fun and challenging. So, if you have something you think you might like to have drawn, or painted, send that our way as well, and I'll see what I can do. No guarantees, but I'll try my best, and you can pay us what you feel is necessary (above the expenses, of course).

I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm willing to clean your house if you need it (everything but spiders). I'm a germ freak, so be assured that it will be antibacterialized when I'm done. While I'm not interested in a weekly profession of cleaning, I'd love to help you out if you have people coming over you want to impress (like in-laws and church folk). Is your garage too big to tackle on your own, and you want some company? I'd love to come over and help - it's always more fun with another person. I'll bring coffee! Let me know if we can help each other out in any way.

Like I said, we're looking for creative ways to raise money, so if you have any additional ideas, we'd love to hear them!!
Thanks!
Erica

The Process

A few of you have asked me about the adoption process. I just thought I'd write a little about that. I'm getting most of my information from the online training I have to do for the Hague. The Hague is basically a set of standards different countries and agencies have to follow to insure that the adoption is on the up and up.

Before parents can be considered for adoption by a foreign government, they must first go through a formal application and approval process. This involves the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services Department and their state of domicile determining their eligibility as well as their suitability to adopt a child from a foreign country. This also includes a criminal history and state child abuse check, home study and CIS Clearance (review of everything by Immigration). This usually takes 3-6 months.

Once you are approved in the U.S., your paperwork is sent over to the country from which you are adopting. In our case, we are going to South Korea (yeah!!!). It is possible that our little boy or girl is not born yet. We are approved for a 0-18 month child. We're tossing around names right now. We are going to use the nickname, Helmer (if I remember) to refer to the child from now on. It's kind of a funny story, that I don't feel comfortable publishing on the web, but you may ask me about it. Our paperwork should be sent over to South Korea April 1. That is when they are accepting the paperwork from Bethany. There have only been about 1,000 (and some change) children adopted out of South Korea for all of the U.S. each year. We feel very fortunate.

Once the paperwork is sent to South Korea, we wait for a referral. This is when the country provides information on the available child. South Korea is really good with medical records and other history records, so we can then take that information to a physician if we feel there are any concerns. The pediatricians we go to right now have a fantastic office that deals a lot with internationally adopted children. In fact, they came recommended to us by a family we respect greatly in our church. They are foster parents, and have also adopted 5 of their own children through the foster care system. They have had their share of issues as they deal with children affected by fetal alcohol syndrome and in-utero drug addictions. They are amazing people with a wealth of knowledge! They recommended their doctor's office to us a while back, and since then we've learned that they come recommended by Bethany as well based on their evaluations of adopted children.

After the referral, it will most likely be anywhere from 1-4 weeks that we have to travel to Seoul. It is usually a short time that you have to prepare for travel, so they suggest getting ready (lists, packing what you can) early. We think the process will take anywhere from 9 months to a year, but we're actually prepared for 18 months or so. We'll see...

Thanks again!
PLEASE PRAY FOR PATIENCE AND CLARITY.
Erica