Funny to Everyone Else but Me

So here's what's been happening the last few days. I've been taking pictures of collectors' plates that my brother had. Some are quite beautiful. Others aren't my style, but whatever, to each is own. So I've been posting them on Ebay (which most of you know because I accidentally didn't know I had to disconnect the connection I had made on Ebay to show the records to the Facebook people - SORRY!!), and there are a number of people watching them, or so it tells me. Anyway, as I go through these boxes of plates, there is mice poop EVERYWHERE. I HATE mice. I'm not scared of them, I just hate them. I want them all dead. They were the cause of the Black Plague (ok, it was the fleas on them, but still - no mice = no plague). You have to be so careful cleaning up the droppings because some can harbor a deadly disease. No, I don't remember what the name of it is. I only know it's TRUE and you can look it up on the Department of Health's website if you don't believe me or think I'm insane. You can't just vacuum the stuff up, you have to be very careful. Bad. Just bad. So anyway, I'm breathing in mouse dung - none has touched the plates, mind you, just my hands and body as I carry armfuls to and from the porch. If I get boils and spike a fever, you all know why! I'm not complaining about the task of putting all the plates on Ebay, that's kind of fun. I'm a nerd and have several Excel spreadsheets formed, it's great and fits my personality. HOWEVER, I could do without the mouse s*&%! I guess using those symbols instead of letters only works if you're not ending a sentence in an exclamation point. It just looks like I spelled the "S" word incorrectly.





So yesterday, while I am still rummaging through mouse fecal matter, I notice on our porch that there are the cursed cluster flies. Do you all remember when I had cluster flies at my house in MI? I just about passed out. Ahhhhhh!!!! I hate those too. There were probaby about 50, but if I waited another day there would be 150, so I went to Home Depot asking God to see the emergency I was facing and to pardon me for shopping on Sunday. I got an eco friendly spray for the inside, and a kill everything living spray for the outside. I came in and I was just about drenched from the kill everything spray. The eco friendly spray smelled like something you'd spray in a bathroom. Thankfully it's almost gone today! So I came in from the outside just after the wind had changed. I was doing so well, and then the wind changed and brought all the chemicals down on my head. So not only was I covered in mouse poo, I was now covered in pesticides. I took a shower angrily because I wanted to wait until I was fully done with the mouse poop for the evening so I could be clean when I got into bed (Derek, that's for you!!). You'll all be happy to know, however, that the custer flies are no more. I think I killed everything that could possibly live on our porch. I felt satisfied with myself this morning.





That is, until I went out into my car. I was going to my car for something and realized that I had left the awesome bread my grandfather had given me yesterday in the car. It would still be good, so I was so excited about it for breakfast. I skipped merrily on my way, opened the car door and noticed the all too familiar plastic tearing and small turds. YUP! I have a mouse (maybe more) IN MY CAR!!!!!!!!!! In my car! Can you believe it?! In my stinkin' car. It's going to build a happy little nest in my engine and cut some wires and fuel lines and render the car inoperable and then I'll be out of luck. Oh my goodness. I was about to cry. I called Todd in a panic and all he did was laugh at me. He coudn't stop! He said, "You're the perfect person for this to happen to because you hate mice so much, but you never pick up after yourself!" He's totally correct. I do a darn good job at keeping my house clean, but the car...well, yeah, it's not sickening, but I do leave stuff in it because I'm too lazy to bring it into the house. But if it gets crumby or something spills, then I clean it because that woud be germy. Messy is ok, as long as it's not germy. NOW MY CAR IS GERMY and we're ALL going to get the blasted plague! I am beside myself with anger towards these vermin and disgust at the various diseases my whole family will catch - even my dog, who is 800 miles away. He'll inevitably catch something horrific from this experience! Sputtering is a good word to describe my state of being all day today.



I am however excited about tonight. I put mice traps all over my car (5 to be exact). I put a glue one and a traditional one in the trunk, a glue one and a traditional one in the back seat, and a traditional one right where the bread was this morning. My brother is going to look on his way to work to see if the traps are full. He was SO nice to agree to this amidst his laughter. I also made it VERY clear that there will be no reusing of the mice traps. One time use only, just throw it out mouse and all. I found out Todd reused a mouse trap and I just about wrung his neck. If I didn't love him so much, he would be in a world of hurt. Anyway, if all 5 of them are full I've got bigger problems.


Better to be safe than sorry. I'm not driving my car for at least three days - a full 24 hours after the traps are empty (like a fever). Then I am driving it straight to the cleaners to have THEM clean it and vacuum it and do whatever they do best to sanitize my car. Seriously, what next? Maybe God's telling me to leave CT like the Israelites left Egypt with the different days of these various maladies (spelling?). Pray for sanity and HEALTH and that the locusts don't eat all of our crops (cucumber and tomato plants to be exact).